


Eden

by 8abyeojin



Category: K-pop, Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Brother-Sister Relationships, Depression, Garden of Eden, M/M, Mother-Son Relationship, Other, Redemption, Suicidal Ideation, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, chan is really mean, jisung is a shithead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:34:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23180260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/8abyeojin/pseuds/8abyeojin
Summary: Hyunjin is suicidal, but most of all, hopeful.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Hwang Hyunjin & Everyone
Kudos: 52





	Eden

for the first time in years, hyunjin took a deep breath. he wasn't sure where he was, or what time it was, but he felt safe. comfortable. peaceful. at rest.

just a few moments ago, he was sobbing, salty tears running down his heated face. for all of the agony he had gone through, it was surprising he even stood till then. it was less surprising when he attempted taking his own life.

hyunjin looked around at the scene before him. he saw thriving trees with bright green leaves, an abundance of colorful wildflowers, a clear blue sky, and... a cozy looking cottage. even _that_ radiated beauty. 

hyunjin wasn't fooling himself, he knew this was weird. he shouldn't be seeing much of anything now that he had taken all of those pills, that was supposed to be the end. he wanted it to be the end. he was so exhausted. so tired of fighting with no end in sight. nevertheless, he journeyed towards the cottage, feeling as if he was drawn to it.

once he reached the door, he paused, hand in a position to knock. hyunjin had no idea where he was or how he got here, but he knew something was different about this place. curiously, he knocked hard.

"so soon? just a moment, hyunjin!" he heard a female voice call, sounding a bit frazzled.

_"how does she know my name?_ " hyunjin thought. he should probably be more concerned, but he felt at peace instead. for everything he had gone through...

"oh, oh! i'm so sorry, hyunjin! i'm sorry to have kept you waiting. come in, please!" the woman had opened the door and began profusely apologizing. hyunjin stood wide-mouthed and stared at her. not only was she the most beautiful person he had ever seen, but —

"nobody's apologized to me about anything since i was 8 years old..." hyunjin said, shocked at the situation and at himself. he knew what common courtesy was, he just didn't receive much of it himself.

"oh, sweetheart, i know. i've always wished i could change things for you." the woman frowned sympathetically, causing hyunjin to wish he never said anything. he hates pity.

"it's fine, i'm used to it." hyunjin shrugged.

"it's not, and i'm sorry that you're used to it. here have a seat." she gestured at a white, fluffy armchair next to the wooden chair she sat in. hyunjin sat down and looked around the room.

everything was white, but not blinding. nothing like a hospital, but like... heaven?

"where am i? and who are you? why do you know everything about me? how am i alive?" hyunjin finally asked the questions of the hour.

she grinned, radiating glee. "i'm eve, and you're in Eden. the Garden of Eden, to be precise."

eve stood from the large white chair she had sat in, and walked to the kitchen table. "i've been waiting for you. you see, my dear, i've been gifted with the Sight. works well with the job." she laughed, a twinkle carrying through the air.

hyunjin sat still, confused, comfortable, and even more confused on why he was so comfortable here. what was the Sight, why isn't she answering any vital questions?

"i know, i know, my love. you want answers. let's have a snack first, i can't imagine you're feeling too well." eve smiled and grabbed the plate of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies she made for hyunjin.

hyunjin hadn't even realized he was in a lot of pain from the chemicals' combining in his stomach. "am i gonna die here?" he asked while crunching a delicious cookie.

"you could. that's a genuine possibility, but no, i won't let it happen. i've seen your life, i've seen what people have done to you, said to you... hyunjin, i just want to tell you i admire you. i've seen your own best friend belittle you and call you a poor dancer. your mother abandon you, your sister blame you for that." eve said slowly, almost testing the waters to continue.

"i've also seen how you react. i've seen you practice for 6 hours straight just to prove your friend wrong. you send money that you've earned from your career to your mother in rehab. i've seen you apologize to your sister, which i don't agree with, by the way. you're so strong... maybe that's why i took a liking to you." eve finished.

"but why am i here?" hyunjin looked her in her eyes, a little nervous for the answer.

"you attempted suicide by overdose about a minute ago. this is Eden, the place where i either decide to play your fondest memories, or i attempt to convince you to fight through it. some only have the one option of seeing their memories because they're too close to the edge for me to begin to help..." eve sighed quietly, looking down at her white countertop.

"...but i?" hyunjin started.

"but you aren't. you're savable. you could live the rest of your life, hyunjin. and i'm here to help you figure it out." 

"i don't want to live. please just play my memories." hyunjin sighed a bit, becoming upset for the first time in this white paradise.

"i know that's a lie. i saw what you wrote before you downed those pills and beer, hyunjinnie..."

"stop."

_dear everyone,_

_you're probably not that surprised to find me dead. you're probably not even sad, i don't know why i'm writing this. you're probably not even worried about where i am..._

_anyway._

_things have just been downhill, not just lately. since i was 8. and i've tried over and over and over to become a better person, like how i was when mom was home and when my sister genuinely loved me. i'm sorry i keep letting everyone down._

_chan, i should say this. i'm sorry i can never improve. you worked so hard to debut and i keep pushing us back. i'm so sorry. thank you for being honest with me, at least i know i'm a bad dancer now and can't keep lying to myself... you're gonna debut, i believe in you._

_hyuna... you're never going to read this. i'm sorry i failed at being a younger brother. i guess i was too dependent on you, like you said. i do love you, a lot, even if you hate me._

_to stray kids... i'm sorry i'm so selfish. all of my depression kept getting in the way of our dream and i keep finding ways to make jisung hate me more. i'm so sorry. you'll debut in no time, i believe in you. but i'm so tired. i can't continue like this._

hyunjin took shaky breaths with watery eyes when eve had stopped reading the note he wrote just a half an hour ago. he remembered how shaky his hands were that he had taken about 20 minutes typing it. he remembered how many tears he poured out, wanting to stay alive, but...

"so what, eve? what? you're supposed to give me kind words, give me a cookie and read my suicide note and suddenly i'm okay to go back there? you may have seen it but you've never been me. you don't understand what it's like to genuinely wish you had never fucking existed. you live in this white paradise while people like me suffer down on Earth. give me a break, man." hyunjin raised his voice. how dare this woman try to patronize him like his situation wasn't hard enough. he should know, he lived it.

"i've never presumed to have completely known your story, hyunjin. simply bits of it, bits of you. enough to have seen that you want to live, despite this anger. hyunjin. you've suffered some of the worst things i've ever seen, and i couldn't do a damn thing." eve's eyes started to glaze over as she remembers the curse that the Sight can be.

"hyunjin, let me answer another one of your questions. the Sight allows me to see on earth, every single person at once while maintaining my life here in Eden. you... i took a liking to you. your ever-present major depression has never truly stopped you. you practice like crazy, you make other people smile. of course, it hasn't been easy, right? you still find it impossible to leave bed, every time you even think about practice this heavy lead feeling settles in your chest and you heart?" eve began to preach his own feelings to hyunjin.

"exactly. that feeling is ruining me. and i know to trust my instincts. it won't get better and i refuse to allow myself to get worse. i'm tired, eve." hyunjin began sobbing. "i ju-just want to be done."

"oh, sweetheart. can i tell you a honest secret? it does get better. i've seen it happen for you. i'm not allowed to tell you this, let alone let you remember if you do decide to go back to earth, but... stray kids debuts. and makes it bigger than you ever imagined. you and jisung? amazing friends. you'll laugh about these times in the future. the _near_ future. and chan? he loves you already." 

hyunjin just gazed at her. she could be lying, just to make him go back to earth with some ulterior agenda. but he could feel that she wasn't. she was telling the truth. things could get better.

things _would_ get better.

"okay." hyunjin said.

"okay?" eve asked, quirking her thick eyebrow and ruffling with her thick black hair.

"i want to go back."

"hyunjin, it won't be easy though. i can promise you that. there'll be only pockets of light until you begin to deal with your depression correctly." eve warned him.

"pockets of light are better than nothing. i'm not a quitter, you know that." hyunjin smiled at her, like an inside joke only they could understand, as he grabbed another delicious cookie.

"oh boy do i know. okay. close your eyes. also swallow that cookie before you do that, people have choked on the trip home." eve chuckled, like a mother caring for her child.

"noted." hyunjin gulped the cookie down. he then closed his eyes, then ...

white.

_beep. beep. beep. beep._

"what the fuck?" hyunjin said aloud, with his eyes still closed. where the fuck was he? where was that moisture coming from?

"hyunjin? oh my god, you're awake." he heard a voice gasp out. jisung? "guys! he's awake!" the boy yelled out. jisung's here?

he opened his eyes. a hospital. white, but not blinding. familiar.

"you fucking idiot! why would you do that?" chan had ran into the room, eyes full of tears as he kneeled beside hyunjin's hospital bed. hyunjin felt weird about this whole situation, but decided to embrace it.

"i had to. didn't you read the letter?" hyunjin asked, straightforward.

"god... hyunjin. you're an amazing dancer. i'm just so high-strung these days and worried about debuting. i should never have taken that out on you. i genuinely care about you. i'm so sorry." chan sobbed, clutching hyunjin's right hand.

jisung and the rest of stray kids stood there as chan cried. jisung looked hesitant, like he wanted to say something.

"you're being straightforward, so i'll be straightforward. we don't get along, but i don't hate you. i think you're a strong presence in the group that we may need." jisung said from his spot a bit far from hyunjin.

to this, hyunjin just smiled. he knew. he knew a lot. he couldn't tell if Eden was a real place he had ventured to, or if it was made up by the chemicals in his body, but it had helped. he finally had hope.

just then, a nurse came in through the door. "i came to check mr. hwang's vitals." she proclaimed cheerfully, lighting the room up with her smile. 

eve, the nametag read. hyunjin knew he would be just fine.

**Author's Note:**

> If you attempt suicide, chances are, your story will not be like this. You might not get a second chance. No woman will convince you to stay alive. Do not attempt suicide. Things won't get better immediately, but they might get better. That's hope.


End file.
